Love In My Own Sense

Love can happen to anyone. It can be felt at an unexpected time.  To some, love is the driving force that keeps them going. To others, it simply gives them pain. But whatever’s their view of it, love being defined at the lowest and most understandable level will always stay the same ---it is the thing that makes almost all of us happy and complete.

To feel being loved by the person you loved according to many people is probably the greatest feeling one could experience. Who doesn't want to feel love anyway? Girl or boy, wants to feel that certain affection.  But seriously, why? Maybe because love is part of our lives. We simply cannot ignore this wonderful feeling. I think that we are all created for love, to love, to feel love and to be loved simply because we are created out of love.  But sometimes, this tagged as the most wonderful feeling isn’t always the source of happiness all the time. Love has been associated with things like cutting,  suicidal,  hopelessness,  loneliness and etc.  It is not at all times  the source of our inspiration but rather of depression.  But I believe that love has been created in that way. You know why? In my own opinion,  cases are sometimes like that because love comes with a double purpose.  It has an equilibrium with its effects so that it will function well in one’s life.  Take for example, no matter how much you love each other, there will still be a point wherein you feel hurt and dismayed. You know very well that there is the presence of love but you are still feeling the pain. Now why? It’s because you still need to love more and you need to conquer the fear of getting hurt and broken.  It may be very sad to say,  but the only cure in getting hurt is to love again and again until we don’t feel any pain anymore.

No matter how you’re hurt, you have to remain hopeful that love will still find its way to you because love comes to those who remain hopeful despite everything . As what they say,  good things happen to those who wait.  But the question is,  are you willing to wait?

Restored Soul

This is a very personal post. It talks about my recovery, my personal story. Hope you'll be inspired and you'll also learn from my story. :)

    One cannot simply fathom such moment when one is fired up with lots of questions in his/her mind on how his/her life is going on. It’s not as easy as one plus one as what we have first learned in Preparatory School, not as simple as opening a nutshell then putting nuts in your mouth, not as silly as cracking the oldest yet the funniest joke in town but rather, it is something profound and way too personal.

    What would you do if one day, you suddenly realized that you are actually not dealing with life and living it in the right way and most especially in accordance to the will of God? I was bummed with lots of questions in my mind. Events from the past kept on rushing in my head and time after time, they finally took me to a very dark place where no one can even hear my loudest scream. I tried to defeat them, yet they kept me wide awake every time I attempted to. I tried to forget about them but the deed just made the matters worse. I gave my very best to resolve such nightmare from the past but then again they seem not cooperating. What I did not know that a result would be losing the tiny pieces that compose myself. It followed somewhat. I lost trust in myself. I temporarily bid goodbye to my dreams. I can no longer hope for a sweet future. I hate my mistakes. I was drowned by my imperfections. I don’t know how to make other people happy. I can no longer convince myself that everything will be all right. In short, I was wrapped with fears brought about my past. I can’t present myself to God. I don’t know how to explain to everyone what I am going through. I was no longer the person I used to be or did this happen to make me realize that I wasn't even true to myself anymore?

    I started writing again just today. I don’t know why but the past days or the past months, I just didn't have the audacity to release my thoughts. I can’t even face my feelings, my ideas, my thoughts and even my every day dreams. What a disheartening scenario indeed.

    One fact I know right from that very scenario-I wasn't in touch with my authentic self. I lost the knot that tied me to the reality. I let go of the rope connecting me to myself, to my family, to my friends, to the people around me and most of all, the rope that connects me to God. I became bitter with how I dealt with my day to day life. I am happy for some time and then I get deeply sad the next hours or even days. I no longer enjoy the simple things that gave me fulfillment. My mind went blank. In short, I became a lifeless person.

    After a couple of months wherein I rested and just do random things or even not doing anything at all, I came to understand that sometimes, you don’t learn from your mistakes and I myself am the perfect example for that. I thought pretending to be strong is the ideal way to deal with heartaches, problems and issues about myself but actually the first step is to make myself equipped with what I am about to go through. I sometimes suppressed my feelings or at times I open them at the wrong time, wrong place, wrong situation and wrong people. I then said to myself that an experience isn’t enough not until you will finally learn its lesson. When one keeps on repeating mistakes, it means that the lesson wasn’t applied in real life at all. Again, I am the perfect example for that.

    “Self-improvement is unending task, kalaban mo ang sarili mo”, as what a personality said in a TV commercial. I know I made mistakes before. I forgot my priorities. I pretty messed up. Some lessons were learned, some were forgotten. Some were not applied in reality. But as long as I am still breathing, I know I can make a change. I know I can fix myself. I know I can manage to move on in my life and open a brand new beginning.

   If the past months I became a pessimist, now I look forward for a sweet future. It’s now time to stand up and continue the fight; the moment to go for my dreams; the point in time to correct my mistakes; the occasion to be happy again by embracing the fullness of life.

    I will be forever grateful to my family for not giving up on me in my journey of finding my real self again. The first week, I was so hard to deal with because according to my father, I don’t talk that much and I was putting a frown face all the time. I barely eat and always wanted to sleep but he was always there. He managed the intake of my medicines, my meal and snacks. My mother on the other hand was also very patient with me. She slept with me every night and when I cannot sleep past midnight, she gave me my medicine. My Ate N has also played a big part in my recovery. During those times wherein I was so anxious to go out and see the outside world, she provided me with the prescribed medicines. She also bought us grocery every month. She called everyday to check us especially me. Sometimes, I took her calls, sometimes I became hesitant to talk. I am also thankful to my other sister, Bhan because she dealt with me with utmost understanding and care. Many were those times I didn't answer her calls because I didn't know what to say but she never gave up. I didn't go with my parents when they visited her in the training camp but she still managed to forgive me. During those times, they were the significant people in my life including my little brother who is always with us. Albeit there were those times I didn't even appreciate the things they are all doing for me, they stretched their understanding for me and even poured out their great love and accepted me for what I am and for who I am. But most of all, I am thankful to God above for loving me just as I am and for reminding me that I am a work in progress. God made things possible for me. And for that, I will always be grateful, yes I will.

    To all my friends especially my truest friends, first of all I want to say I am very sorry. I disconnected my channel of communication with you because honestly, I don’t know what to say before or even how to talk to you when you ask me if how I am doing. If there is a word for it, it would be emotionless. I was at that stage in the first two months. I turned my phone off and I no longer open my facebook account. I know, I didn't even greet some of you in your very special day-your birthdays and for that, I am sorry. I regretted the things I did but now, what I regret the most are the things I did NOT do. What I am about to do now is to make it up to you guys. I didn’t leave you, I just have to find my authentic self in order for me to be the person you once knew again or even a better person this time. Some of you may understand me, some may leave me after knowing my story, some may befriend me but it’s now okay with me for now is the time to live life by the lessons I have learned.

    Ate Cherry, Aynd Jheau, Jared, Julie Ann, Carla, Shanel, Janeizza, Shelina, Loisa Mae, Kathleen Caye, Leslie Dianne, Lyka Germaine,  Mia Gritz, Maureen P., Maureen E., Claudine, Caroline, Philline, Zenybelle. The Francess, Wakwak, Buddy, Geng, Adik, Mama, Mrs. Cullen, Crab, Seatmate, Kring-kring, Uyab and Kabit you’ve known is now alive! Heeeee. I now realized that in this course called life; I don’t need too many friends but only those friends who will stand by me through the test of time. I miss you all sooooooo much!

With all my sincerity,

Frances Carmille E. Alpuerto

12 October 2012 at 11:54 P.M.

I Give To You My Sincerest Applause

People take in much delight
Not knowing the consequences of their actions
Only to realize they are already putting up a fight
With their make believe judgments and conclusions.

Why is it some people are like that?
Then I answered myself
Maybe because if the world's filled with responsible people
It would be nothing but so flat.

Somehow, somewhere
Random thoughts keep on rushing and playing in my mind
As what my father told me,
"Each kind of people exists to test our existence and it's your choice if you'll persist or resist."

Merely realizing the fact that the good ones are always misunderstood
It always made me look up to Jesus
His struggle was more than mine
And that I should be reminded that in the end it will always be fine.

Yes, I keep on convincing myself
The best is yet to come
This pain won't last.
All things are temporary.
Waves will calm
Peace will reign
And when the time for healing has finally arrived
I'm gonna give them my sincerest applause
For without them, 
I would not have made it this far.

With Love, Milk Tea

Sitting all alone with my milk tea

Feeling like there's no tomorrow

I wanna feel your presence

To delight me in my loneliness.

Time passes by so slow

I wish I could freeze it somehow

I am not used to being so lonely

That is why I need you so badly.

Oh babe, I have been munching here like the world's gonna end

Still waiting for your real presence

Why are you so far to me in the first place?

Being next to you is all I ever wanted.

The way you stare at me

The way you hug me

The way you kiss me

The way you hold my hand

You always thrill me like no one can.

Oh when will I ever see you again my prince?

I miss you and that's what my heart says.

I am now becoming poetic

All these reigning feelings I can't contain

It feels like I would burst if I will not release them

Somehow, I do hope you also feel the same.

I love you and your past.

I am willing to fight until we both will last

Love is not a sprint but rather than a marathon

Therefore we must continuously nurture it with love, patience, trust and understanding.

I love you and your present.

Oh how I love to see you enjoying the kind of life you are living.

Letting me enter into your life is such a big thing

I would like to cherish everything.

I love you and your future.

You always tease me about marriage and stuff

And you know that it makes me awkward.

Yet you always assure me of the future

That your mind has been set that it will be forever you and me.

Now, I take the last sip of my milk tea

Thoughts of you still entertain my brain

I can truly picture out if you were here with me

Making happy memories effortlessly. 

How Far Is Too Far? Lies Teenagers Say About SEX.

Buzz! It's been a while that I had my last blog entry. My brain took a long rest or perhaps, I was just lazy encoding and writing my thoughts. But series of events happened to me lately which urged me to move into action and bring awareness to the teens nowadays. Yes, it did alarm me because I am also a teen and it makes me so sad that teenagers have distorted beliefs and they're trying to deny the reality.

PMS or pre-marital sex, ask a bunch of guys on what word they can associate to it and I am pretty sure you won't get shocked upon hearing them say, "Lami!". That four-letter word is the closest and the most appropriate word to describe sex, friends I have interviewed said. Let's face it, we all have different kinds of needs. Our body needs food, we need to socialize and interact with the people around us, we need to have spirituality, we need to be educated, and lastly, there's a need for a physical contact or rather, the feeling of intimacy. I believe that those core needs must be met first before going to the last need but I bet, most teenagers who have been doing the deed won't agree with me. Now why? Their answer would be simple. The last need fulfilled all the kind of needs they have. The thought really scares me. What kind of mindset does the youth of today has? 

I won't deny the fact that I, myself knows many things about sex, making love or any thing associated to it but I am confident enough to say that because of the knowledge I gained, I am fully aware that I should not engage in to it. If teens say they do it out of curiousity, what would be the best response? I say, you don't have to smoke just to know it's effects, you don't have to drink to it's after effects and same as saying, you don't have to try PMS just to know how it feels. Trying PMS won't even answer your curiousity, it will only lead you to becoming more and more curious and the more curious you are, the more you want to do it. 

Now why am I against for PMS? The answer would also be simple. I believe that there is a time for it. The "pre" means "before" now why do it ahead when there is really a perfect time to do it and not just for the sake of doing it, but doing it with love and with the blessing of the Lord? When my friends shared to me their experiences, on how they were so thrilled upong doing it, the pleasure and the fun they are getting, it made me even more proud of myself that I am still a vrigin. I have talked to lots of guy friends, you know what's the common denominator? They do it just for the sake of doing it. Some use girls, even their friends just to fulfill their sexual needs. Some just met bitchy girls at bars and right there and then, give the lead. But, ask me what is their verdict and most of them said, "They still want to marry that pure girl in the future."  Isn't that a sad thing? For in the end, it would always be a girl's loss. Poor us, really.

So the fuzz, how far is too far? 

Is that a valid question to ask? In a world where sex is seen in every medium and condoms are being handed out in schools, what is a Christian teen to do when confronted with conflicting advice about what constitutes a sexual activity or abstinence? Here are the top 10 lies Christian teens tell themselves when it comes to answering the question, “How far is too far?”

1. Everybody Does It

Everybody? No. Not everybody is having sex. While the media and people in school may make it seem like everyone is having sex, there are just as many Christian teens (and non-Christians, too) waiting until marriage. Doing something just because everyone else is doing it is just giving into peer pressure. It takes a stronger person, or a person backed up by the strength of God, to resist temptation. When you stand up to peer pressure you are actually saving yourself from committing sin while being a good Christian witness to other teens around you.

2. It’s No Big Deal

Sex is a big deal. Ask any Christian teen who struggles with having had sex before. There are a lot of emotions and spiritual struggles that come from having had sex outside of marriage. It is one of the reasons God placed such an emphasis on sex and relationships in the Bible. Sex is a beautiful act that comes out of the marriage covenant, and it means more than just an action.

3. Virginity is a State of Mind

Some people use the term “technical virgin” when describing their sexual status. Usually this means that the person has not had a sexual act that involved penetration. Virginity is more than that. Virginity is not a state of mind, but it is the conscious choice to not involve oneself in sexual acts until after marriage. Usually this excuse is used if someone wants to justify participating in sexual activity.

4. Sex and Love are the Same Thing

Sex and love are very different, but they are meant to complement one another. If you are in love it does not mean you should have sex. Sex is an act. Love is an emotion. They are very different, and it can be dangerous to mix them up. You should never feel like you have to have sex with someone just because you want to show them you love them. There are plenty of non-sexual ways to show your love to someone.

5. Sex is a Minor Sin

Pre-marital sex is sin. Sin is sin. However, it is dangerous to think that sex is a minor or equal sin to all others, because it can put you in a frame of mind to make bad choices. Sexual sin is still a defiance of God, and no sin is acceptable to God. Yes, you can be forgiven, but you will have to live with the sin you have committed, which can be difficult if you are not prepared to deal with sex emotionally.

6. Oral Sex Isn’t Really Sex

Oral sex is a sexual act. Just because Christian teens are not having sex in the textbook fashion, it is still a sexual act that bonds a man and a woman together.

7. Third Base Isn’t a Big Deal

Third base, also known as “heavy petting,” is a big deal, because it can lead to other things. Not only is it a form of sexual action, but it can lead to sexual intercourse. It is very easy for Christian teens to get caught up in the moment and forget about any desire to stay abstinent. Sin is very tempting, and it does not always come with warning or stop signs. Going to Third Base can be a danger zone.

8. My Will Can Overcome Any Temptation

God’s will can overcome any temptation. If you feel you have the strength alone to conquer any temptation, you are setting yourself up for trouble. Man is known for falling into sin, especially when there is an overconfidence in the self. Christian teens need to keep their eyes on God, and allow God to help set boundaries so they can resist the temptation. The Bible is full of helpful advice when it comes to coping with temptation, and it can be a useful tool.

9. Watching Porn or Masturbating is Less of a Sin Than Having Sex

A lot of people believe that pornography and masturbation are helpful in preventing a person from having sex. However, having sex is not just about the act, but it is about the frame of mind. If you have lust in your heart while you are watching pornographic movies or masturbating, then there is sin there.

10. I’ve Already Had Sex, So It’s Too Late for Me

It is never too late. While the idea of “born-again virgin” may seem a little like “technical virgin,” it is not the same thing. Many Christian teens that have already had sex choose to act as if they have never had sex and vow to wait until marriage. Having sex is not the end of the world. God is very forgiving, and He smiles at those who return to Him with a desire to do His will. While the temptation for someone who has had sex can be even stronger than the virgin, it can be overcome with God’s help. God is waiting 

But hey, it is never too late. God doesn't condemn us, it's our sins that separate us from Him. So 

for everyone out there that struggles with sexual sin, I want to tell you all something that is very serious. You can be new again! You can get your purity back. Never think “just because I’ve gone too far, I can’t get it back.” You can! God is a merciful, forgiving, loving God. Purity isn’t just about not “going too far.” Purity is a lifestyle, a state of mind. You must not only protect your body, but your heart & soul as well. I’ve been there before, I’ve fallen short of the glory. But I’ve learned that if I call on God whole heartedly & ask Him to make me new, He will. God has already forgiven us.

1 Cor. 6:20- You were bought with a price, therefore honor God with your body.

We must forgive ourselves.Once we learn to accept the fact that we’ve fallen short & identify where we need change, to be more Christ like, we can be new again.No more loopholes. No more “well its technically not sex.”

Ephes. 5:3- But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or any kind of impurity, or greed, because these are improper of God’s holy people.

We need to guard our hearts, bodies, & souls. And, teens, the secret is seek God in your lives! Blessed day! :)

People Being Unfair

Applying what I have learned in Com 101. :D

I grew up hearing people say, "The world will never be fair" and unconsciously, I have attracted the idea in my mind. My childhood memories reminded me that, yes, the thought is actually true. However, I had a sudden shift in my beliefs due to my experiences in life.

When you don't like a certain attitude of a person, what would you do? If a friend has offended you, would you frankly tell her/him or, spread the deed to others? I have been a victim of false reports, issues, made up stories (name them all) and, the good news is, until now. Those past experiences I had moved me to change, to use and think of other tactics in dealing with them. Plus, I am also grateful that I have studied Communication 101 when I was still a Mass Comm student. The lessons were practical and applicable in real life scenarios. 

Now let's get in touch to the real matter. Ever wonder why am I talking about fairness here? If in case, your guess is that I was/am a victim of injustice, you are absolutely right. I believe that is undeniably unfair for a person not to know when someone that person is treating well is actually spreading evils about him/her. I personally think, if you have a problem with a friend, you must confront him/her before anything else. I adhere to the belief that, if it's not about you, then you don't have the right to spread the issue. 

Remember, a simple misunderstanding could ruin everything just because you chose to actually destroy the image of the person to others instead of letting him/her explain his/her side and ask for your apology. Remember, words have the power to bring someone down. Remember, when you truly care for a friend, a single mistake won't make you hate him/her right away. Remember, words can only be forgiven but can never be forgotten.

And I was reminded by Sir Paulo Coelho, "Never explain your side to people. They only love to hear what they want to hear" and "If everyone likes you, there must be something wrong."

The Myrtle Experience

It is truly a tough endeavour once you have invested your trust to a dear friend, a family member or to a special someone and then, it gets broken. Trust is just like a glass, it is delicate and fragile. You have to handle it with care because the moment it has been given to you, you now own certain responsibilities. Trust, a five letter word is a serious case.

May 22, 2012--I was pissed with our smartbro broadband because I cannot access to the internet and as I was preparing to sleep, I checked the time and found out that PBB Teens 4 is still on air. I went to the sala and tuned in and luckily, my hopes didn't go down. I saw the father of Yvez in the confession room talking about Yvez and with the way he handled his matters with girls. I also heard his Dad giving a fatherly advice not just for his son but for the rest of the teenagers out there. With the kind of conversation he and Kuya had, I predicted that there must be something wrong with what Yvez is doing in the house. Certain episodes were presented, there I saw Yvez and Myrtle, and they were in the sofa. Yvez was asking her if saying I love you is wrong and she strongly said, yes because one cannot simply tell if it is already love.

 

Later on, Kuya talked to Yvez and asked him what the day today is and if there is something special happening in his life. There you go, he said it is their monthsary and he wants to sing their song (When I'm With You) as a monthsary gift. After recalling the song, he made a face palm just because he remembered that he actually let Myrtle sing that song for him. He then grabbed his guitar and asked Ryan to cover him. They went to the sala and asked Myrtle and Mariz to go to the bedroom first so that they can concentrate. While playing the song, the boys didn't have a clue that the two girls can actually hear them. Mariz kept on teasing Myrtle about the song, that Yvez must have prepared a surprise for him and that it is so kilig. Myrtle was carried away and so they went to the sala and Myrtle hurriedly went near to Yvez. Yvez then said to her that they must go back to the room because they had just broken his presentation for his bestfriend. The look of Myrtle's face, one can really feel how disgusted she is, how disappointed she is. You see, with just a flash, she discovered how such a guy made her a fool.

She then went back to the room and realized that the song Yvez just sung was the same song he asked her to sing weeks ago. Wow, that was fantastic. How could a guy asked a girl he liked inside the house sing the song which is the theme song of him and his girlfriend? Way too insensitive, right? Yvez was again asked by Kuya what is the true status between him and Kim. First, he said they were just bestfriends. Second, he said, they were in a relationship before because they fell for each other and lastly, when Kuya said Kim confirmed that Yvez is her boyfriend, Yvez then said that they are really in a relationship. Bravo, very well said Yvez!

The pieces make sense now. Myrtle then went outside and talked to the girls. She was crying and blaming herself. She accused herself being the third party, the man stealer which is so untrue. She recalled on how guys treated her before that at the end of day, still nothing happens. She even said that is the very reason why she doesn't like to entertain Yvez in the first place but because he explained to her that he didn't have any affair outside the house, she trusted him. Of course, I do understand how she feels. We can't deny it, Yvez is good looking and charming.

While Yvez was inside the men's bedroom, a voice prompt was played. Viola! Kim greeted Yvez a happy monthsary. Poor Yvez, he was trying to apologize Myrtle but then again, another unexpected thing happened. But well, every action there is a corresponding reaction.

You see guys? Why is it very easy for you to make fun of us, especially our feelings? Just because you are the ones whose going to chase us doesn't mean you now have the permission of making us believe in your lies, in your made up stories. Just because you are guys, and that society dictates that having lots of girls make you masculine doesn't mean you have to adhere into it. Just because you have the license of confessing to the girl you like about your feelings doesn't mean you have to express them drastically without even making it sure it they are real. Just because you are good looking, talented, you got that sizzling sex appeal doesn't mean you have to collect all the girls you like and those girls whom you can victimized too.

I am not only talking to all the guys out there. For us girls, the experience of Myrtle serves us a big lesson too. We don't have to undergo what she has undertaken, just reflect upon her experience and you'll see how hard it is when you are not thinking practically. She was even blaming herself, and I can really feel her because I have undergone being deceived too. The sad part is, we were the ones being fooled but then, we ended up feeling guilty. This is the reality; people will come and hurt us. But it doesn’t end there. They may have broken our trust. They may have tested our patience. They may left us in the end. But heads up, smile! The bright side is, they may have played, hurt, tested and fooled us, but at the end of the day, they injected lifelong lessons in our hearts and we will become stronger than ever. J